...a REAL Saturday.

A Saturday with no serious agenda is a real Saturday in my humble opinion.

So today is/was a real Saturday.

Wife asked me to wash the van before we head out to our “no agenda” day and i concurred. Only to be reminded while doing so, that being 5'5” is a total bitch... washed the vehicle’s roof on a step ladder and was abso-tively certain i was going to fall off and scratch the side of van... thank heavens for some serious rubber traction on the ladder’s legs.

* * * * * * * *

Drove to the Medical City for an important, but not urgent errand... had a late lunch with Marge and the wifey at Amici, Tomas Morato... brought Marge home... then crashed into a droll-looking Gruppo Barbero along Tomas Morato for some hand, foot, and ear pampering... then he-who-is-known-by-his-adoring-public-as-Michael-V comes in with his son for haircuts. Serious-looking and sounding dude... considering he’s practically one of the funniest guys filling up the TV screens. At least after the political campaigning is over... right now, nothing’s funnier than the preposterousness of many of the campaign ads running on TV. So yeah... for now, Michael V isn’t the funniest guy on TV. I give that to Manny Villar... everyone else is a close second.

* * * * * * * *

Went to Robinson’s Supermarket in that new condo building along Timog before heading home. Had to grab a few little things to round dinner up.

Was approached by one of those Nestle promo girls for their “let’s check your health and wellness” campaign. She offered the wife and i a “free assessment” on supposed things like height vs. Weight ratio and all that... told her, i already knew i was short and fat.

Then added that at least i know there are shorter and fatter people running around on the planet. So yeah... i’m fine with my “wellness.”

And while i have had my share of bad copywriting throughout my supposed ad-man career, some things are so bad they’re good... anyone for seafood? Try dropping by Robinson’s Supermarkets’ “Lenten FISH-tival.” Bwahahahahahaha...!

* * * * * * * *

My favourite masseuse desperately keeps trying to squash my “bayabas-sized” lipoma on my lower back around forty five minutes after a home-cooked dinner of munggo and galunggong... and now i’m blogging...

Now THIS is a real Saturday.

‘catch you later...

Letters to Marge: (Chapter 16) Breakfast and Holding On...

Dear Margaret...

Three days ago, we were in our Baguio house, and I woke up at around 7:15am. A bit earlier than usual, so i headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast for your mom.

Lo and behold... look who i found just freshly up from bed? Yep... it was you, kiddo...

So i promptly took you from your nanny, and proceeded to bring you downstairs for a steaming mug of Milo on that fine, cool and misty Thursday morning. You and i shared a single mug, alternately sipping. And before i proceeded to put your mom’s omelette together, we took a short stroll in the garden that slightly sparkled with morning dew drops on the leaves of the bushes and flowers.

When your mom came down to eat, i propped you up on my lap, and you ate with us a simple omelette of spicy spam, onions and tomatoes.

Before i left for work, you puckered up for a kiss, then waved me goodbye.

It is among the most beautiful memories i have of us... thank you for being such a wonderful child.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

As i write this, your mom and i have been having a pretty rough six months. And i don’t mean sandpaper rough, kid... we’re talking roller coaster running through the Grand Canyon without railway rough.

Your mom and i are still very much in love. But sometimes there are mistakes that cut really deep, and take a lot of time to heal. It’s difficult, and many in our shoes just throw in the towel and give up. But your mom and i aren’t like that. We’re both stubborn fighters, just like you’re going to be.

I’m praying that one day your mom and i are going to be able to look back at all this, and maybe not laugh (since this really is no laughing matter), but breathe a sigh of relief that we survived it. We’ll look at you and your beautiful almond eyes then, we’ll all smile together, and life will go on the way life is supposed to.

So far, we’re pulling through relatively well enough, and a lot of that has to do with you. Through the haze of vodka, and misty evenings clouded by tears of pain, regret, and flickering hope, you come through like the angel we’ve always called you to be.

For now, thank you so much, my daughter. I will make it up to you and mom...

When you’re old enough, ask me about this. I promise i’ll tell you EVERYTHING.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

When i was asked to say a few words at the wedding of Mike and Zeth, i said that “...married life is like a roller coaster... and that the most important thing in a marriage is to keep holding on, no matter what...”

But that’s not just something for marriage, kiddo. In life, when you love someone or something so much, hold on. Do everything you can to hold on. When your head tells you to let go, but your heart doesn’t, don’t. But when your heart really has tired and asks you to let go, then by all means, let go and move on.

My heart is telling me to hold on, and best of all, there’s a little voice from a little almond-eyed girl, who keeps smiling and laughing, that keeps cheering me on.

Thanks again, kiddo.

‘catch you later...

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 15): Another Reason Why We Love You and Why Children Are Beautiful

Dearest Margaret...

It has been a very interesting past few weeks for us as your parents... you’ve shown us that you love music... you pound on your grandmother’s old piano that i coerced her into transferring to our Baguio house, and in Manila you pound on the Casio keyboard i brought back from the office... and to top it all off, you actually sit as an attentive audience when i play sax...

Just a couple of days ago, we just heard you count up to four! And you finally learned how to give us the “thumbs up” sign... All that and more, kiddo... all that and more...

So many firsts that your mom and i have lost count... we’ve stopped counting because we’re too busy watching you smile, listening to your giggles or shrieks of joy and running after you while you play in the garden...

* * * * * * * *

These past few weeks, there were massive earthquakes that literally rocked the world. One in Haiti, one in Chile, one in Taiwan, and many smaller ones that... well... those small ones didn’t exactly rock the world, but...

So what i’m getting at is that it’s a tired, old planet... and many people are like your mom and dad... we’ve “been there, done that” and all... and then YOU came along...

And the world through your eyes and smiles, was beautiful again... we suddenly find new reasons to go to old places, something new to talk about with old faces, and for every time we scowl at a vehicle belching smoke on the road, we see you smilingly pointing upwards and saying “sky.”

For every bad thing we see or remember, seeing you smile or giggle at something new to you, or something good reminds me just how wonderful the world still is and can be.

* * * * * * * *

Young parents always say: “ang bata nakakawala ng pagod...” which means that “...kids can take away your weariness,” and it’s one of the truest things in this world. That’s what you do for us, kiddo... without having to do anything at all.

‘catch you later.

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 14): Life is Too Short... 3 Weddings and 2 Funerals...

Dearest Marge...

Pretty soon, you won’t be a baby anymore... pretty soon, writing these letters will seem redundant, because i’m looking forward to the days when we can finally talk with words that comprise more than three letters (e.g. sky... fly... bye...). I’m excited about the prospect of telling you stories and knowing that you will understand all the crazy details... Hopefully, you and i will become friends before we start moving on to 4-letter words...

"...As you go on through life, gather roses while you walk..."

In the four weeks between December 22, 2009 and January 20, 2010, we attended, yep, you guessed it... three weddings and a couple of funerals.

We caught three couples grabbing the moment, with your dad having the honor of playing a big role in three weddings, you in one of them, as well as attending the wake of someone in the family i barely knew... I was principal sponsor for the weddings of the former Cecile Gamoso, and Mike Lorenzo to Zeth Maceda. I was a groomsman and you were a beautiful flower girl in the wedding of Vergil dela Cruz. All of the above people worked with your dad, and we have remained very good friends.

Last January 1, my cousin’s husband had a freak accident by having a loose-flying piece of firework cannonball through his left temple. He had supposedly spent the past two or so years in some Middle Eastern country for work, and had been back in Baguio City for barely two days before the thing happened. He most likely had so many more stories to tell, and they most likely had so much more love to share.

And last January 20, little Jennifer bade our family goodbye…

I’ll keep this short and sweet, baby girl… Life is too short, but it’s never too short that you can’t make your mark in other people’s lives the way I was blessed enough with opportunity to have done.

As you go on through life, gather roses while you walk and remember where the thorns are, so you will know where to step or to avoid when next you have to take those paths again. The lessons in life are wide and plenty. But to learn them, you must keep not only your eyes, but also your heart open. It may not have eyes, but your heart makes more of the memories you keep looking back to in your head than your eyes. Don’t be hesitant to share what you have learned with others the way that I did. Despite whatever material blessings may come your way, the most precious things you can share without giving away your heart, and the things that people will always remember you for are what you have learned that you have shared.

If you’re lucky enough to have helped make them laugh with you, they will remember that, too.

Don’t be afraid to love, because loving is the single purest good thing in this world. But do remember that someone who loves, has to open her heart. And sometimes when it’s left open, bad things go in there and hurt you. But the good news is that no matter how broken your heart can get, it will heal. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but it will. I promise you.

And unless survival requires it, don’t stay too far away for too long from the ones you love. You will never know if a crazy piece of firecracker rocket will decide a part of your head is its new landing pad.

Before the people at Hallmark think I can resurrect the cornball greeting card business, I am ending this post here, and leaving you with a link to a song that makes me think of you whenever I hear it. Listen closely, because this song has many things I hope you can live by. It’s Ronan Keating’s version of Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.”

‘catch you later. Love,

Dad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbJruWd6bmU&feature=channel

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

P.S. wrote this post/letter last week, but posted it much later so people won't say i don't have anything better to do with my time...

Anyways... turns out that today is... Chinese New Year... and Valentine's Day... it also happens to be a Sunday.  You, mom and me went for a little snack at a nice place called Cafe by the Ruins up in Baguio City.  We chose to take a nice slow walk through the park on the way back to the store.  The photo here shows you refusing to let go of my hand, while you desperately try to follow a bunch of other children running around the grass with cheap toys like inflated balls decorated with lead-laced paint, rather ingenious little planes made with plastic and paper that flap its wings like a bird...and what nots...

Just something you might want to try and look back to.. Let's see if remember any of this... since you're only almost a year and nine months old... and they say that memory retention really starts at three years old... let me know...

love,

dad...

Eulogy for Jennifer: Goodbye to a Baby...

Everybody thinks their dog is special from the rest of the canine world.

And the thing is, they’re all correct.

And just like every well-loved dog, Jennifer was special to us from the rest of them. In fact, canine or what, Malou and i never really considered Jennifer and the rest of her cohorts as pets. But yes, clichéd as it may sound, they were our children.

She was born last September of 2001. The last child of their line, before Malou and i decided that it was time to neuter the males to stop them from turning our little home (a.k.a. 39 sq.m. apartment) into a veritable farm. A huge batch of poisonous Pedigree dog food later, the tragic passing of Soda, Joey, JM, Marge (yes, there was Marge the poodle, before Marge the baby), and Joni, it was now Jennifer’s turn to throw in the towel... with only their 12-year old father, Stolich to survive them...

"...That space in our hearts we saved for Margaret, [Jennifer] tried to fill in every way that she could..."

Jennifer was extra special to me, because she was the only one who was born after Malou and I were married. Thus, she was the one i came home to from the moment she saw the light of day, to that one wistful moment when i can only wish i can imagine her smiling at us one last time, thanking us for the love, and the life she lived with us. We referred to her as “Baby Jennifer,” because while all of them were our children, of them all she was our baby.

In those drifty years between declaring that our honeymoon was over, and the happy-weepy day that brought us Margaret, Jennifer was unabashedly the star among our 4-legged children. She knew it, acted it, and demanded of us and our time the way she knew she had a right to. A baby in practically every sense of the word. That space in our hearts we saved for Margaret, she tried to fill in every way that she could. We knew it, felt it, and somehow she knew that we knew.

* * * * * * *

One day, I had a lump in my throat since i woke up... The smell of Jennifer's breath and discharge, which were indicative of what truly bad shape what was left of her kidneys were in, were smelling sharper than ever... She had suddenly already started vomiting, and refused to eat... I knew it wasn't going to be much longer...

Malou and Marge brought Jennifer and the others to the Makati Dog & Cat Hospital hoping that grooming and some dental work might take some pain off her and get her eating again. But her body's breakdown was already accelerating at a pace we never saw before. When we went to visit Jennifer on the morning of Vergil's wedding, she had already pee-ed on herself, and her weakened jaw totally gave during tooth extraction.

She was in bad shape. A mere shadow of her once-beautiful and zest-filled self. And she made no qualms about showing us her discomfort. She didn’t even bother acknowledging our presence.

Seeing her broke Malou’s and my heart so bad...

And we made one of the most painful decisions we ever made together and gave Jennifer the gift of taking away her pain, ending her suffering, and setting her free while the memories of her beautiful life were still fresh enough to be among her final thoughts.

"...A decision like the one we just made for
someone we hold so dear is usually filled with
maybes..."

I did notice that when Dr. Binogon came in with the blue syringe, Jennifer held her head high in that proud, beautiful way she always did in her prime. As though wanting to walk into the coming darkness with her soul as proud and beautiful as it had been in life on the earth that we know.

Then she peacefully set her head down and closed her eyes one final time.

The day was January 20, 2010.

* * * * * * *

The thing about moments like these is that one is almost always left to imagine whatever it is the dog is feeling and/or thinking. We like to imagine that maybe they’re quietly saying goodbye. We choose to not consider thinking that maybe they were wordlessly begging for one last chance to see the sun and breathe the air. But there does come that time when we guess in our hearts that maybe there are ways they wouldn’t choose to live. A decision like the one we just made for someone we hold so dear is usually filled with maybes.

But we know we did the kindest thing she would have wanted. And there will never be a “maybe” for how much we will always love her.

Not too long ago, when one of Jennifer’s older siblings passed away also from complications of renal failure, i asked Malou through misty eyes futilely, pointlessly, heartbrokenly, almost stupidly... why they (our four-legged children) always went before we did...

And in her matter-of-fact way of wisdom, she replied: “...because if we went before they did, then no one would take care of them.”

Strangely undeniable and oddly comforting. Malou always had a knack for things like that. Still hurts though... and Jennifer will always be a testament to how someone so small could leave a void so big.

‘catch you later...

welcome back...

Firstly, from the wifey, Marge and myself, a happy new year to all of you and welcome back to BROKEN RECORD.

The handful of you who actually visit this place from time to time will most likely be wondering where i went, what happened, and most importantly, why i shut BROKEN RECORD down for a while.

The reasons are much too sticky for me to thresh out. Just imagine a big plate of fresh, un-sauced spaghetti that was cooked with too little oil, and that got landed on by steamed rice, and this guy has been trying to pick out the rice grains, and untangle the pile without breaking the noodles...

THAT sticky...

Still picking... but getting there...

But yes, i saw the blue-skinned “AVATAR,” which incidentally might have been inspired by James Cameron’s weed-laced dream of sex-starved Smurfs that finally went through a steroid-loaded puberty... also caught Jim Carrey’s “CHRISTMAS CAROL” (on 3D!), and was suddenly struck with nostalgia for the old stop-motion Christmas movies they used to show on RPN Channel 9 (remember the one with the elf who wanted to be a dentist and said that the abominable snowman was only really mean because he had a toothache...?)... saw Roland Emmerich’s expectedly plotless “2010,” and actually enjoyed it because my life felt like it was on the brink of a disaster at that time... i also found myself both laughing and crying at the same time over the list of movie offerings at the Manila Film Festival.

My love for supporting local music also means i will be buying Gino Padilla’s (yes, he’s back) offering of OPM remakes (it’s still Gino Padilla), and Side A’s new disc (too bad they lost Joey Benin...), as well. Both on old-fashioned CD’s at the next opportunity i find myself in a record bar. More on these two much later...

For what it’s worth... i’m back...

And no, the roller coaster still hasn’t stopped running. I must admit to getting dizzy from time to time, but i’m holding on to the rails, and am far from throwing up, much less giving up. It slows down from time to time anyways...

Will also be starting a blog where i’ll toss all my poetic corniness and save the idiots who visit this one from the ants and cockroaches i’ll be sending up their pants and their spines, respectively. For your dose of chunky bittersweet molasses sprinkled with a truckload of rotten corn, please click on “greek verses the world” on the blogroll to the right...

'catch you later...!

Letters to Marge (Chapter 13): California Pointless...

Dear Margaret...

As i write this, the three of us have survived several blocks of San Francisco just a couple of weeks ago together. I remember my arms trembling from the weight of carrying you, a Sanfo-themed snowglobe, and this big-ass TV disguised as a laptop on my back, which i am using right this very minute.

You were tired, too. In fact, you were so tired that you fell asleep in my arms, while we were walking. It was a good feeling, by the way. But that’s not why i’m writing here now.

I’m writing to thank you.

A couple or so years from now, you should start remembering events in your life. You might actually start remembering the exact color of purple that Barney is. You might start remembering things and places you’ve been. So when you really get down to it, it was possibly pointless for you to be here in California with us right now at merely a year and a half old.

Possibly...

Possibly pointless, because you won’t remember your mother squinting her eyes at the sight of the Golden Gate through the thick fog on the cruise boat. Possibly pointless that you won't remember seeing Alcatraz across the waters and how you will compare it with marriage later on in life... Possibly pointless, because you won’t remember the beautiful sunset that we watched in Monterey... possibly...

But no. It wasn’t pointless. Not in the least.

It wasn’t pointless, because it was worth carrying you several blocks around San Francisco just to hear you giggle at the littlest things. It wasn’t pointless, because having you around meant that anywhere we went will never be boring. It wasn’t pointless, because i loved watching you waving at me through the rearview mirror everytime, no matter how boring the freeway got...

So yes. Thank you, Margaret.

And hopefully, by the time you read this, you will at least remember that at a year and a half, you will remember that we kept you laughing and smiling halfway across the world. And you probably won’t thank us, but will probably ask us to bring you back here again.

We will.

Love,

Dad