Letters to Marge (Chapter 10): I'm Sorry, Marge...

Dearest Margaret...

Dad has been quite tired lately. For better or worse, there are way too many places i have to be, too many people I have to see, and too many things people think I can and have to do. And there’s only one of me.

If there could be more of me, the me that writes this would be with you.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry to you and mom. I’m sorry that i let so many other people take my time. Time that is yours to have, time that is supposed to be ours to share. Time i instead gave to others who gave themselves to those who would be our supposed gods in cities infested with creatures with more faces than any truth would allow.

Time i gave to keep building a house of cards i reinforce with little more than dreams that i keep dreaming, and a passion that refuses to stop burning bright despite the storms that pour upon me. One day, this house of cards will finally be a house where the walls can be touched, and the floors can be danced upon. Please be patient and be there when this one day arrives. This is for you.

This is all for you.

And though I may not always be there to hold you, always know that I love you very much.

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 9): Always Know Who You Are...

Dearest Margaret…

Haven’t written much lately, have I?

Well, thing is, the whole zigzagging between Manila and Baguio doesn’t exactly leave your old man too much room for thoughtful blogging. What’s more, at this time that I am writing this, you are already a year and two months old. Quite responsive, and a lot of fun to be with. And I can almost imagine you digging whatever I say...

"...today... one truly great lady finally left a country that never stopped needing her..."

But today (August 1, 2009) is a rather special day.

Today, two very dear friends from different circles in my life celebrate their birthdays (those would be Uncles Jon and Carlo), and one truly great lady finally left a country that never stopped needing her.

At this point, I’m guessing part of your research on Philippine history includes former President Corazon Cojuangco Aquino. Dad’s advice is for you to really dig into it. The presidency of Cory (as she is referred to in our time) was by no means a prosperous time, and definitely wasn’t all six years of sunshine. But while each presidential term in this eternally struggling country of ours has been followed by shadows they themselves created long after their terms have ended, only Cory Aquino has remained untainted, unaffected, unchanged. Having stood for what she believed from the day the public knew who she was, right down to the very last moment her voice was heard, Cory was a singular icon. Free of pretense, Cory was singular in her stature, singular in her beliefs, and singular in her purpose of upholding those beliefs.

What made Cory so iconic, so much larger than life, was that the Cory Aquino the People Power Revolution strapped into that chair in Malacañang was still the Cory Aquino we were watching praying on national TV just a year ago. More wrinkles, perhaps, but still the same smile, the same determination, the same battle cries, even the same shade of yellow on her dress.

People knew what to expect of Cory Aquino, knew what she stood for, and she never changed that. It's not unlike how a McDonald's cheeseburger pretty much tastes the same even after all these years.

"...At some point, you must decide that you have had enough major input, and can start building the foundation that will become... 'you'..."

With that in mind, here’s something I need you to know and live by.

As life goes on, many people, many events, and many things will come across or around the road before you that you will come to call your life. Each and every one of those things will try and change you. Especially the people... and that’s where the challenge lies.

At some point, you must decide that you have had enough major input, and can start building the foundation that will become the “you” that you will live with for the better part of your life, the “you” that you will ultimately decide has something good, something unique and something beautiful to offer the people around you. The “you” that wish to be remembered as.

"... [many people] face a mirror and do not know who they’re looking at..."

The greatest tragedy many people face is that point in their lives when they face a mirror and do not know who they’re looking at. The funny thing is, when we look inwards and upon ourselves, we tend to get blinded by visions of what we believe we could be, could still be, or should be. But remember you this... A person is like a diamond, with many facets, all of which are truly yours, but it is that one facet that you will ultimately choose to be the face you will show that will help you define the direction you will take in your life.

You will know when the time is right, you will know when you’ve seen and heard enough to know what you want the rest of your life to be like. I don’t know when that is or will be. But when the moment is there, grab it. Grab your identity for all its faults, or its potential greatness. But most importantly, accept what you are, what you’ve become, be better, be greater, but always be yourself.

“Let the fish not envy the birds that soar across the skies and against the sun, for they will never know the wondrous world of the deep seas.”

‘catch you later, girl...

Love,

Dad


P.S. Congratulations, Marge... Last month, you started walking on your own! Well, just a few feet at first, but yeah...
P.P.S. i have more to say about this topic, but I'll stop herefor now...

Letters to Marge: Happy First Birthday!

Kid...

This is just a preview...

Letters to Marge (Chapter 8): Try Something New...

My dear Margaret…

Last weekend, I (along with your uncles) did something new and potentially stupid..

WE. WENT. SURFING.

Yeah, I can hear the chuckles now… heck, it was funny even for us, imagining what we may have looked like. The scene looked like something that normally precursored the slapstick highlight of a TV sitcom. It was quite the sight: three pale, short, plump, and slightly clumsy Chinese guys walking across the beach while being led around by three lean, bronzed surf bums each holding surfboards. Obviously with the power to make aforementioned Chinese dudes look either totally cool, or totally foolish.

The following are the things I “learned”…

1. Looking stupid with a surfboard was pretty normal in those parts. To quote Michael Jackson, “we [were] NOT alone…”
2. Surfing, or attempting it, is fun.
3. The toughest part about surfing is wading against the strong waves to a workable (“surfable”) distance from the shore.
4. The actual act of “surfing” is only a few seconds worth. But damn, it feels great to let the waves carry you…
5. In reference to item number 2 above, attempting ANYTHING new is always fun long as it doesn’t involve jumping off a plane or window, or wild animals…
6. Keep item number 5 in mind all the time.

Stay safe, kiddo… but try something odd from time to time…

Catch you later…

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 7): Happy Valentine’s, Margaret…

Dear Marge…

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. As holidays go, “V-Day,” “Hearts Day,” “Love Day,” the annoyingly mispronounced “Valen-Time,” or whatever it is they choose to side label February 14, is a very minor holiday. Mostly just hyped by big corporations to try and make a minor sales rebound immediately after the expected January slump.

Anyways, I have a confession to make.

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with a lady who isn’t your mother. A nice lady who was gorgeous, funny, laughed a lot, has a beautiful smile, a great appetite, but a little on the heavy side. We had a bit of bibingka, split a halo-halo, bought her a stuffed Piglet to commemorate the day, then ran around Robinsons Galleria for another couple of hours.

That lady was you.

Your cousin Bernadette’s prom was creeping in, and your mom and I promised to take her shopping here in Manila (your cousin lives in Tarlac). But since Bernadette was the shy type, your mom decided to get some girl power going with your cousin and sent us away for a few hours. just you and me, kiddo...

So yes, on your first Valentine date, you had your first bibingka, your first halo-halo, and it was the first time you chose your own gift.

It was also a day I will never forget for the as long as I live.


Catch you later…

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 6): Everything in Due Time, and Money Can’t Buy Everything

My Dear Marge...

So I’ve mentioned the wedding of the Garcias. We had to bring you along since your nanny was just on her way back from Baguio after a round of chicken pox. So yeah, it was technically your first formal event.

But that’s not the highlight of this entry.

The highlight was when I was carrying you around, and we stopped at a corner where some toddlers were running around and playing. You were craning and spinning your head about, looking at the kids playing, and you were smiling at them, while cheerfully gurgling. When I put you down, you were happily flapping your arms the way you do whenever you were happy or excited, or both. You were also leaning in various directions and stomped your feet a bit, the way you do when you move in your walker.

I so wanted to see you running around and playing with the children. If only I could buy a couple of years to make you old enough to walk, run and play about. But this time, your grandmother’s money can’t do a thing. Sooner or later, I see it anyways. So you, your mother and I are just going to have to be a wee bit more patient.

Which brings me to this entry’s two lessons:
1. EVERYTHING IN DUE TIME…
2. MONEY CAN’T BUY EVERYTHING…

Lesson Number One above will be extremely applicable to you because you’re a girl. And hopefully, in the future, when your hormones start running about and working themselves up, you will know that making love should also be done in due time.
Like that time when you wanted to run about, I could have let you go and crawl around. But that would’ve hurt you, and you weren’t ready for it at all. So I held on to you while you stood smiling and giggling as things went on. I didn’t let you go.

But one day I’ll have to.

One day, I’ll have to start letting you go and watch you play about. Standing just a few steps away to pick you up, in case you fall. Please know that I always will. But I also hope you will know within yourself when the time is right for certain things, so that when you fall, you won’t fall so hard that you can’t pick yourself up.

But I will always be a few feet away in case you do.

As for Lesson Number Two, the Beatles have a number one song about what money can’t buy. But some things like the right time, an additional two years, along with brain and muscle development, and such are things beyond my control to give to you. Toys R’ Us won’t mean jack this time.

When you get older, and realize thankfully that you will grow into a family of relatively comfortable affluence, you may occasionally feel invincible. It’s quite heady, frankly. I sometimes find myself defiantly looking at some things other children have, thinking that should you eventually want those things, I can buy them for you.

But that night, I couldn’t buy you two year old legs that can run about and play.

So I defer back to Lesson Number One. Hopefully, you will, too.

Catch you later…

Love,

Dad

Letters to Marge (Chapter 5): Two New Year Birdies and One Guy Stoned… (Holidays Times Two for You)

Dear Marge…

As I write this, your grandfather is royally pissed at me (and most probably at your mother, too).

But before I get around to explaining that rather usual occurrence above, I would like to let you know that being half-Chinese, you get two New Years. Yep, count ’em. TWO. The first one is the one with a Catholic Mass, supposedly lots of food at midnight, a nominal degree of fireworks (which you should leave for others to handle while you watch the skies from afar), and the replacement of your wall calendars (if you’re using them, by the time you read this). That one is considered a rather more universal New Year and follows what is referred to as the Gregorian calendar. This happens every January First.

The other New Year has become semi-universal due to the fact that the fucking Chinese are everywhere (yes, you and me included, kiddo…). It’s called… What else? CHINESE NEW YEAR! This one’s got a lot of frills on it. There’s Dragon Dancing, Pasty Rice Cake Giving (a.k.a. “Tikoy”), and an obsession with things red, gold and round. This one is a little trickier to schedule since it requires what is called a “Chinese” calendar, or sometimes referred to a “lunar” calendar.

"...there has been some undeniable drifting between me and your grandfather for too long..."

As a child, Chinese New Year usually meant that uncles, aunts, and grannies hand out little red envelopes containing a bit of money (a.k.a. “Ang-Pao” with “Ang” meaning red, and “Pao” meaning wrap, or pack). So as a child, Chinese New Year usually ended with me and the rest of the cousins with pockets bulging with red paper and moolah. But for most of my adult life, I usually neglect anticipating the second New Year above. Although there is an easy reminder in that your Great Grandmother was born on New Year’s Day according to the Chinese calendar. So that’s a cool two celebrations in one, supposedly. Until your grandfather and his siblings started having one petty quarrel after another (and I mean PETTY), then the whole Grand Golangco Get-Together started going downhill… Slowly turning first into some sad masquerade party, and currently little more than the sad echoing of two or three glasses clinking empty toasts amid stories of past family glory, and looking for other people’s misery to feel better about themselves.

In most Asian countries, Chinese New Year is a humongous deal. And usually means that in the two weeks revolving around Chinese New Year’s Day, expect to not have transactions with countries like Singapore, Taiwan, China (d-uh!), Indonesia, too (I think), and other similarly chinky eyed populaces.

But anyways, my point is that today I was in a bit of error. Your grandfather sounded very disappointed that we didn’t make a single iota of effort to see him today, which is a Sunday happening to be the eve of Chinese New Year. And instead chose to devote the entire day’s efforts on the next-door neighbor’s wedding, which was scheduled at 2pm. In retrospect, we should have at least taken him out to a brunch or something.

In my defense (and your mother’s), there has been some undeniable drifting between me and your grandfather for too long. And I grew up with him justifying many things with a simple statement that “He said so.” I never bought that for some reason. And while we don’t necessarily take the effort to avoid him, we honestly don’t do too much in making time to see him. But I suppose today was different. It IS Chinese New Year, after all.

In the future, as you grow older, we’ll be going through many different holidays and traditions that you may not readily understand. But please do ask. I promise I will take the time to explain things, how these traditions came about, what they mean, the stories behind them (sometimes they’re even amusing), and if it’s important to me and to our family, I would like to ask that you try and give it a get go.

To paraphrase a line from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward…”

Catch you later, kiddo…

Love,

Dad